2004-03-14 - 5:18 p.m.

i keep thinking what this weekend would mean if things were different. this would be our trip to ireland and instead i spent the night watching saturday night live and fell asleep early.

oh this is not working. things should be different by now. they are with him, why not me? i still cry. hell i am crying right now. it is easy to plan and say fuck it and talk about boston like it is nothing when people are around. but once its just me-well-you know.

how many times can i write about this. trust me im sick of me too. im sick of all these rules ive made for myself, im sick of spending money to make myself feel better. oh i am just sick of all the baggage that still exists.

as much as i want eric back-i would settle for getting over him quickly, just as well.