2004-01-04 - 6:27 a.m.

its been two hours. i tried to cry myself to sleep since the pills no longer have an affect. but it was no use. by then there was no water coming from my eyes, i had apparently used it all.

i keep going over in my head what he said, how he said it, and trying to deny this is all true.

i look around and everything...everything is eric. the towels, the pictures, the buffy dvds. who is going to go grocery shopping with me tomorrow night? who is going to hide things in the cart that i would never buy. and you left without your toothbrush. oh god.

i cant believe this is how we ended up, please let this be some horrible dream that i am going to wake up from becuase if not i am living my worst nightmare.