2003-03-10 - 12:17 a.m.

i love checking my mail. i like surprises. today, the tiny gray box had a key. that means it is an extra special day, because that key unlocks a big mailbox with a package that cant fit in your three inch by two inch excuse for a mailbox. you see the importance.

well i opened it hoping for cookies or something of that nature. instead it was a flat package from a great aunt i never met. eric told me it was safe, because there are no flat bombs.

i opened it and there was a picture of my mom, when she was eighteen.

my happiness level dropped below zero.

in my head, it is easier to deal with things once in a while, that is why i believe i havent gotten over her death. most of the time, i am lucky if it is a 'once in a while' deal. i have this way of shutting off my feelings when i want to.

so needless to say, the picture brought out tears, and it brought out those emotions that were on hiatus.

mascara lines down my face, and a throbbing head have been the extent of my night.

i hope yours was better.

have a good one.

later.