2002-12-12 - 10:54 p.m.

you dont want me to write your name anymore fine...boy. i wont. you can be such a jerk sometimes. i dont think i have ever yelled at someone like i yelled at you tonight.

what makes you think i use you? huh? because you are nice to me and are angry you see no return? is it because three fucking months ago you went to dunkin donuts for me? or is it because you bought my car air freshner when i threw it to you at the cash register? please fucking enlighten me, cause i dont have a clue.

if you dont like what you read, well i am sorry. sure somethings i may have thought a little too far into it, and rambled, but does that give you the right to tell me stop writing about you? does it boy? this is me. this is mine not yours.

you think i dont care..you think i am some heartless bitch who could care less about you. well you are wrong. i care about you. you are my only friend. do you think i like having my only friend hate me inside? that he only hangs out with me out of necessity? well i dont need that. and either do you. if you dont want to hang out that is fine.

you confuse me, one day you are happy with me and i think you are over what happened a few months ago, and then the next you are calling me a bitch. what am i suppose to think?

and dont you dare stop yelling at me becuase i start crying. i know i hurt you and you hurt me too. but dont hide the anger for the sake of me shedding tears, they were already flowing.

i am still hung up on the using thing. and you cant even give me one example of when i have. so your sister says i use people too huh? well thanks a lot. maybe i do and i just dont see it. maybe you use me? did you ever think about that?

i dont hang out with you because i feel bad for you. i hang out with you because i enjoy your company and yes sometimes it is akward, but at the end of the day i am still happy we spent time together. so dont you dare tell me how i feel.

dont tell me i am fake because you dont like the fact i wrote some mean things about you. because i know you talk about me with her and i am okay with that. i talk here. this is where i let it out. if i have a serious problem, i will address it to you.

you just cant handle the fact that i hurt you so bad and you still like me. you feel like i just keep trampling on you. but listen, you are the one who keeps going under my feet.

you tell me to forget about it, i dont want to forget. the only chance i have for you to talk, and you end it like that? and now tomorrow, are we going to act like nothing happened? are you going to go home a smoke pot to forget about me? do what you need to, but this isnt going to get any easier for you. do you want me to NOT care, will that make it better, well i cant tell you that. i am sorry.

i dont know what else i can say, sorry seems so trite now. you can only apologize so much before you forget what you are apologizing about in the first place.

i will always love you, you are a brother, you are someone i can talk to. so dont tell me i dont care, because i do, more than i lead you to believe.