2002-12-03 - 2:09 p.m.

the following is a list of why i would rather be dead today then be here-

the snow outside has melted away, exposing the ugly central connecticut turf once again. i almost forgot.

the home computer has decided it no longer would like to work with me, and has quit. no two week notice or anything. fuck shitty compaq's anyways, i wouldve fired it sooner or later anyways.

i called about the life insurance policy that is supposed to be coming to me- and they said a good three to four weeks. there goes extravagent useless spending before christmas for me. damnit- the only thing that fills the voids.

it is once again cold. the tip of my nose has had it. and if it had the power to quit like my computer- i am sure it would have taken off by now.

damn living exenpenses. why do we have to pay for lights anyways. i think people who are scared of the dark shouldn't have to pay. light is as essential to them as water is to everyone else. i think i should form a committee.

eric is going to the guns n roses concert tonight with a few of his friends. so i am not going to see him until he crawls into bed. and by then i will be in la la land dreaming of the hot sun and lots of pineapple, and snoring-since he has informed me that i do-but have no fear- it is a cute snore :)

i have been flirting with the idea to move someplace far far away. but i dont think it is feasible right now. to hell with rational thinking! but for now i shall only experience the nice weather after midnight and before seven thirty in the morning.

i dont have an specific plans for tonight, but i think i am going to do something with jason. ahh-reminds me- i need a picture for my casts for him. i will get that. it isnt exactly the ideal night since most of it will be spent in silence. me thinking of what eric is going to say- and him thinking about...well he never really tells me what he is thinking. but i am sure it isnt nice to me. he only hangs out with me bc i am his only friend, if he had a choice he would hate me. its true, he has told me so.

so to recap- my computer, nose, and plans for someplace sunny have shit the bed. money is once again doing that disappearing act. and i am forced to hang out with someone tonight who would rather see my head on a silver platter than next to him in a car. it doesnt get any better than this.