2003-11-10 - 10:53 a.m.

checking over my shoulder to find only shadows, and my body stiffening with every sound i hear. my eyes jolt open with the smell of smoke. the fingers on my hand taps nervously on my steering wheel, but not to the music. my stomach turns and cramps with the sight of someone i used to know. and ever worried where he is and what he is doing. constantly checking the fit of my pants.

so this is what life is like when you are afraid of everything. in the car, im afraid of getting into an accident. at school i am scared of failing a mid-term. horrified at the thought of intrusion.

so i put my fucking seat belt on, study a little longer, call him constantly and drink water instead of food. i avoid people at all costs, and won't return innocent phone calls. and this is how i chose to live.