2003-09-13 - 9:39 a.m.

so tell me jennifer do you like what you are doing? do you like the fact you try to eat and nearly throw up at the sight of breakfast foods, lunch and dinner? you are tired. your face is looking pale. but hey you lost seven pounds. and look how easy it was. all you did was eat an eigth of the food you would normally eat for the last three weeks. oh jennifer you shouldnt be writing this, rachel will find out. she will yell.

i understand, youve set your mind to something. what a good person you are having so much will power.

eric didnt help. he thinks it is one of your silly little phases. jason listened and thinks you are completely nuts.

you even make all the food. lay it out with silverware and a nice plate. but once you sit down, your hands figit and mentally you think of how many pounds this is going to set you back. so how many was it this morning with the waffle? you thought it would be good only making one, just like the other night after starving yourself for thirteen hours, a 1/2 of a poptart would satisfy your hunger pangs.

you can sit here and tell yourself it is bad, just like you can when you are downing shots of vodka. but it is only this once, just like it was only that night of drinking. oh silly silly girl. when will you learn? if you have so much will power to go stick with it, where is your will power to rid yourself of this. three weeks it has been and youve lost seven pounds, so you calculate in your head another seven pounds next week. but when will it be enough? and will you stop ordering so many fucking salads. you dont even like lettuce.