2003-08-18 - 9:09 a.m.

and i saw your book of writings. and i knew i wouldnt be happy turning the pages of your past. but i did it, hoping, wishing that i was important enough to scribble about. but the only thing about me was heartache and questioning. so there it is, like it has always been. i just dont understand why we have to try so hard. why cant our love be carefree? because im so tired of trying and i know you are too.

i can see it in your eyes, your hurt and frustrated. thinking this is the last straw. this is the last time she is going to push me. dont think i am stupid, i see it. and every time he goes out, to a party, to anything, i think this is the last time, he isnt coming back. he will realize there is someone so much easier to love out there. but the worst part is, i wish it would happen.