2003-04-15 - 10:35 p.m.

you stared at me like you could change me. like you could make all this anguish and self discipline disappear. like you could protect me. but there are pieces of this puzzle missing and you cant find them under the table or hiding in the box. they are just gone. cant you accept that i am less of what i was when you first laid those eyes on me.

you thought i would change. you held me too fucking high, and i was afraid of the heights.

i am not perfect. i lie. im tainted.

it hasnt even been that long since we punctured nights with laughter, or fell so far into conversation, we couldnt find our way back. maybe i set aside your feelings. maybe i set aside my feelings. but peel back the fatal chemistry and we were genuine friends. there was no one easier to talk to. no one easier to run to.

so you abbreviated us. its childish of me, but i wanted to be wrong, i knew things couldnt work.

there was a time when i was young, and if it is healthy to leave you be...than give me the disease.

but my pleas will be kept contained. maybe you will read this, and realize that whatever you are feeling towards me, know i am truly sorry for issuing them.