2003-03-19 - 9:17 a.m.

fuck you for not giving my feelings the time of day. fuck you for saying 'im used to it by now'. fuck you for leaving me all alone.

i sit here, and i want to call you and tell you i hate you. it would be easier than saying i love you, at the moment.

i want to tell you i think we need a break, just to make you feel as sad as i do.

i raced to work, just so i could let this out. and instead of picking up a phone, i dial with this keyboard.

so fuck me for expecting too much of someone like you. fuck me for saying things i dont mean. fuck me for reminding myself of cindy.

fuck my happiness, fuck real estate, fuck waking up in the morning.

i want to let this anger out. and i want you to be in the middle because

you made me alive when i prayed for death, you made me happy when i didnt want to be.

fuck you for loving me.