2003-03-18 - 4:08 p.m.

i feel like i am getting nothing done. i feel uneasy, like there is so much to do and so little time. i have a list to do, but i have misplaced it...and i think it was intentional.

i am going to see my dad tonight. he is supposed to be out by next week. it is going to be very weird for him. imagine not seeing or hearing from anyone in a year, but on top of that, going back to the place which got you in trouble in the first place.

i always make excuses for him, and i try not to. i've always seen my dad in a different light, that the actual one. he could do no wrong in my eyes, even when he was stabbing me in the back. daddy's girl.

but, just like i always do, i will see him, i will laugh with him, and i will act like he never hurt me. because...well that i just how i deal.

it is hard to believe i went a year without any parents. any adult to guide me through crucial decisions or to lend me their shoulder.

sometimes i am proud of myself. sometimes, i think i have acheived something great...but then again...i did nothing special. i just half heartedly attempted to live life.

my heart is still beating, but this body is dragging. my soul feels the need to pick up the slack on the outside, but sometimes, that gets fatigued too.

im just so tired of living. i want a break. i want to dream.