2003-02-26 - 9:14 a.m.

all i've wanted was for someone to treat me the way eric does.

and now i dont know if i want him. my hands are purple and my heart is misplaced. and i am so angry at myself because i dont know what the hell i am doing. and this seems like a high school crush rant-dear, ive hit an all time low.

and it seems this is a frequent occurence.

i've never loved someone as much as i love him, but it seems like i love him less than i did before. or that i dont love him enough.

yesterday i wanted to end it. and i havent a single reason why. just cause.

i couldnt tell you if my lack of feelings is because they are smothered by something else, or the fact that i feel like i dont deserve him.

i dont know. i want to cry. and i want him to be a bad person, that would make my reasoning clear.

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