2003-01-24 - 2:45 p.m.

i just came home from the place mom calls home now. there was a sign when i first entered that said: Due To Hazordous Conditions Cemetary Closed

i went by it anyway. i got out of my jeep with a single red rose in my hand, at the precise time i found her dead last year. it was blistering cold, and my lips felt chapped. but my heart was warm and that is all that mattered. i placed the rose in between the dead and dried up mums i put out there in the autumn. it looked pretty against the snow. i assumed my position on the stone and cried a little. i talked, and the branches talked back. and it was okay. i am okay. this is not how she wants me to be.

a few weeks before she died she told me that if she ever died, she would be afraid people would forget about her. but...i havent. that is the only thing she asked of me, and i fulfilled the request...every day of my life, i shall.

but tears will not bring the past back, and being angry at a lifeless person will not either.

for her, she lives every minute of every day for the rest of my life, in my head. in my dreams, and in my memory and at my side.

so heres to my mom, the beautiful, gracious, astounding person she was and the person she made me into.

i love you and i'll see you soon enough.