2003-01-23 - 1:25 p.m.

i enjoyed getting out of the shower this morning, because i felt the brisk air. it made me chilly. i was questioning feeling. and if it had decided to give up on me.

i should celebrate her life, or think happy thoughts. but not me, i have to get angry. and yell out to the ceiling, or be comforted by a down pillow, and her only possession, chapstick, that still reminds me of her, i clench to. everything else has been tainted with my new life. but not the chap stick. i hid it, and i only take it out when i am sad. or by accident i find it, and i am happy.

i am going to be better. just let tomorrow go by...quickly.