2003-01-15 - 9:50 a.m.

i am sitting here intensly looking at my computer as if i am working really hard. the truth is i cant keep my mind straight, it is bouncing inside my skull like a toy you get out of the quarter machine.

i think i am supposed to be showing a house in a few minutes, but i am crashing. why does no one care about my schedule, or how i want to do things?

i keep mounds of grief and harsh feelings inside the shell of a person i am. and i just want it to come out, seep out my finger nails, or through little salty tears, i want to say everything that comes to me, and i want to cut my hair.

that part had nothing to do with my feelings of angst, i just really need a haircut. christine, my hair dresser, lives downstairs from me, and she has her friends jump out and try to scare me when i pass her door. when they played this little game last night, i remembered to askher to cut my hair, but i thought about it and decided to wait. christine was extremely stoned, and i didnt want her to hack my hair....so i shall wait until the cloud of smoke lifts from around her head.

i have this picture of boy and i at the christmas party and it is extremely funny, so i may post it after this entry. i dont want to lose my cover of "doing work".

well, i am off to do work, or more like think of my plan to get out of here, and do something with my life.

oh yeah! i sent in my money for uconn. so next year i shall be going. i shall be there, even if i am poor for a really long time, i shall be there. mom wanted me to go anywhere, somewhere, and with the 1310 i got on the SATs i could have went to a lot of places. but when i went and looked at uconn two summers ago with mom, she loved it so much she wanted to go, and when i was accepted (the first time) she nearly went through the roof...alright i am exaggerating a little...the ceiling. :)

i am happy i made the desicion to go back to school, and i think it will benefit me all around.

have a good one.

later.