2003-01-13 - 11:47 p.m.

i sold another house today. it was nice. so now, that brings this weeks total to TWO. which is a lot. i swear there are dollar signs in my eyes.

but with that comes responsibility. and just some times i wish i was a regualar kid. just having one of those not so important part time jobs. the ones when you clock out, you dont have to think about that place again (until the next time). with me i am constantly worrying about deals, and people with "buyer's remorse" while eating dinner, or taking showers or lying in bed trying to let the blackness take me. i know this isnt terribly interesting, but i just cant stand it anymore.there is so much pressure on me, to make sure the most IMPORTANT investment of their life, is going smoothly. and all i want to do is watch Ed, and smoke pot. but i cant do that.

maybe it is time to face the fact that it is never going to be like that again, and i should just look towards the real world road that lies ahead of this red lights i am stopped at.

i was thinking about it, and i am so much happier in the summer time. i think it is the fact it does not get dark until close to nine. i think it makes me feel like i still have time when i get out of work to go walk around, or when i used to bring vedder to the park. and wear spring dresses. i love those little dresses. i am a total dork for them.

rachel thinks our relationship is going down the drain. well she didnt say that, but i get that feeling. she has all these friends from school that she is with twenty four hours a day, i expected this. she is naive.

jay is taking us all out to lunch tomorrow at this really nice resturant.

i am excited.

but i am going to go write some emails.

have a good one.

later.