2002-12-26 - 2:32 p.m.

well this is now the second entry today. i just got mad at eric for no apparent reason, and now i want to ramble about it.

i talked to rachel, and against better judgement i kept plans with her. i didnt want to go to olive garden tonight, and i told her that. so we are going to clean my house instead. yeah i know we are dumb!

so then she tells me that they have to go because they are all going to lunch. and eric is going. so i got mad. i dont know why. i think it is because i am stuck at work and i really want sour cream. so i told him that i hated him- and i dont like saying that. but i did. i said it jokingly but i didnt want to say that. once i start letting things like that slip, then i start cussing at him, then we lose respect for each other. and i am not about to go down that path again, not with eric, he means too much. and the other reason that i was mad was because, well he knows why. i dont want to write it.

ugh i suck.

but there is no reason for me to be here at work and i think that is why i am angry.

so i hope he calls me before the day is done and he goes to work. because i will feel bad.

i just havent been happy lately, and all i want to do is sleep. sleep. sleep. and all i want to do NOW is sleep. i think i need help. or a nice new warm climate. that would be stellar. the more i think about moving, the more i want to just save all sorts of money and leave. go far away and have everyone forget about me.