2002-12-12 - 12:40 a.m.

icy rain cant make me cry.

not even because the little ice pellets hit your face and burn my fruit cheeks.

we made tacos tonight-we watched ed-and then a movie-rachel has described it as special. i am immune.

eric shaved his little goute (is that the spelling..i really wanted to spell it gotee, but i didnt think that was right) and he looks like a ten year old. it is cute though.

too many unhappy thoughts are filling my head, it is hard to be nice. i get so frustrated with things. i think i am making more excuses for myself.

it isnt that i like to fuck up my relationships, it seriously comes natural. consider me a pro. i dont want this to happen not now. i cant deal and i know eric cant. i think the problem is i am getting comfortable with jason not hating me again. he should just hate me. i love eric. what the fuck is so hard to understand. he is the only one i want to be with. he is the only one i love.

i dont have feelings for him, my mind just tells me to, hence the fucking up of the relationships. my head and heart dont like to get hurt. so they do the hurting, its their natural defense.

but mine is to go to sleep and forget about everything and that is exactly what i intend to do.

have a good one.

later.