2004-05-11 - 11:04 a.m.

i got excited when he put his arm around me or traced my spine with his fingertips in public. and i think out of habit he tried to hold my hand. it was all a wonderful confusion. in the midst of planning my life with him, i remembered.

im just content to be. be right here. right in this moment where i think the world is my little playground. not worrying about when or if or ever. just let me stay here with the sun on my nose and the confidence to know better.

because one of these days...one of them, i swear. i try to predict when i will wake up in the morning and not miss him but on a secret tiny level i try to predict when i will wake up in the morning next to him.

but i am not sad, dont get me wrong, because those little gestures and bits of phrases are enough to keep me smiling.