2003-03-01 - 5:51 p.m.

i had to go back, i had to find what i was missing, and when i found out that there was nothing to be found, i cried.

you have me begging at your soles, and making slight gestures implying the impossible.

i know it is the right thing, i know it is the only way for you to blossom into whatever you are trying to become.

but i need you, and i dont care if i am being selfish.

you called me strong, but when you weren't looking, you were my crutch.

it is easy to hide...you on my ear and the tears dripping down my cheeks, never meet.

we used to scream infidelities and yell like we were related, but no more, i wouldnt want you to take me seriously.

so the letter i promised, and the phone calls i am supposed to make, they just may never come. and it is not because i am cold, it is because there is this hole inside me that cant be filled with penmarks and touchtones. a hole inside me that doesnt want to hear you. its a hole that wants the beach and it wants to make fun of you, and call you ugly.

because that is how it is supposed to be.