2003-01-22 - 9:08 a.m.

last night i masked sadness with purchasing a pair of purple pumas. i went out and did things mom and i would've done. after i came home, i layed out what i bought and looked, tied laces, and modeled them with an arched ankle. but no one was saying how wonderful they looked, or telling me to go put on some coffee, two cream, three sugar.

in two days it will be a year, in two days, i will have nothing to say for the last year, no major accomplishments, no GPA, just lots of receipts that fill voids.

and no one to talk to. no one to tell me ive done good, no one to tell me to learn from my mistakes, or you have to be in at one.

but it is okay, i will get through this day like every other. it is not as if the day is any different, it is still a day without her. it wasnt a one year vacation, and she'll be back friday, every day it hurts and the 24th will be just another calendar block.

there is nothing but silence, and cold toes. and this is how it is going to be. this is my life. all who enter beware of the dog and wipe your feet. i'll take your jackets, and please stay a while, can i get you anything to drink?

leaving so soon? come back anytime, the door is unlocked.